Thursday, March 15, 2012

Dolly P. Talks About Being An Adult Virgin

Twitter: @TheDollyP

When I started my blogging about my virginity, I had just been to a Tyler Perry play at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, GA. I forget the name of the play, and really it’s not important but what is, is that there was a female character who was a virgin and she was the most homely and unfortunate character I could possibly think of.
She stayed around the house, rarely went out. She wore Grandma-style clothes and rompers and her hair was a hot mess. Her character looked old, even though she was supposed to be relatively young. She was constantly admonished for being scared of male interaction and of trying to hide her body and her beauty.
As an obvious virgin myself, I saw not one bit of my personality in this female. And as I thought about it, I realized that most of Hollywood would have the world believe that virgins, especially adult ones are completely socially inadequate. I mean, according to Hollywood, someone would have asked me to have sex by now and I of course would have said “yes.”

The truth is that I have been asked - much to my chagrin, and I said “no", much to Hollywood’s chagrin. I have a feisty personality, I love men, spend most of my time around them because of my work in sports, particularly basketball. I love makeup, looking cute, dancing to some Down South music, but more than anything else, I like knowing that at the end of my day that I had good clean fun and won’t be needing any sort of testing to ensure me of that fact.

I have no false thoughts on what my first time will be like - it’s gonna be awkward and it’s gonna hurt. The Virgin Diaries actually helped cement that thought in my mind. And so I figure if I’m going to go through all of that, the guy had better be worth all of my discomfort. Seriously.

The occasion had better be just as special for him as it is for me on my wedding night. I don’t much care about sex as a recreational activity. Nor is it on my “Bucket List.” I think sex is the ultimate in intimacy and until my heart, head and vagina agree on the same guy, symbolized by a ring on my finger, I can do without.
Some have wanted to make me into some kind of Saint because of my choice to remain a virgin but that’s not true. I have plenty of other problems that help me to remain stuck on my decision. Like, my highly addictive personality. It wouldn’t take much, especially since my vagina is directly linked to my heart. I could become obsessed with a one-night stand. Since that type of behavior is totally unnecessary, another point gets logged for staying a virgin. Then there’s my abhorrence to drama, which lies directly in the path of casual sex. I can’t have one without the other so staying a virgin gets another point. Lastly, there’s my fear of my own loss of respect. I love me the way I am, to do otherwise would be a compromise, no matter how I tried to spin it.

Maybe this means that in reality I really am actually socially inadequate, but I’m not convinced….lol.

Read Dolly's review of The Virgin Diaries


  1. Marcia, who saw this post on The Virgin Diaries pages, emailed me this comment:

    you should be very proud to be a virgin alot of people think it is some kind of joke i told someone i was and they told everyone and then i started to get bullied and picked on they knew i was'nt lying because they could tell me and my twin sister is anti soical they know because we are painfully shy and we have lived here for 18 years and they have never seen us talk to the opposite sex , cause men and women both are threatened of us , if i knew it would have done this i would not have told anyone . i don't think people believe you if u r kind of old like 36 i don't mean this to sound perverted i am very much christian lady you can tell if someone is a virgin cause some people think you can't your muscles are tight inside of your body they are not loose like when you have had sex or a child . my doctor knows that i am . god bless lovely lady i would tell you have a support system full of friends at church get involved in your community so you wan't be picked on love alw3ays marcia

    the thought of sleeping with men make me want to cry i am not acting innocent i mean that i am serious some men want 2 be so mean to someone 1 man told me people like u don't get many chances in life . it hurts me and my twin sister cannot seprate we love one another 2 much .

    so many people want 2 b loved when they can not someone themselves

    1. Dear 36 Twin,

      Thank you for your honest response, you are right, a true support system is needed by ALL people, virgins and non-virgins alike. There are those who will want to disparage our choices no matter the decision simply because they can. The true key is to be happy with your decisions. We were put on this Earth to LOVE, at least that is what I have found. So love, love your sister, love those who would put you down, and most importantly love yourself. Life is too short to do anything else.



  2. The only thing I DIDN'T like about this article was the fact that she seemed to put her own self-respect LAST. Honey, that should be first on the list! I say kudos to you for doing what a LOT of other people have failed to do, and that is to respect yourself enough to stick with your convictions on this particular subject, despite what Hollywood and anyone else might think or say. You go, girl!