Sunday, February 19, 2012

If You Kiss A girl On The Vagina, She'll Love You Forever

In my book The Virgin Diaries, one of the questions posed was "What kinds of advice/rumors did you hear about sex from your friends when you were a virgin?"

I have also just posted this question to my Facebook page to see what answers it gets. I will post some of them but first I will tell you why.

During a family dinner when my younger brother was about four or five years old, he asked my step mom a question. He said: "Mom, I heard from my friend Danny's brother that if you kiss a girl on the vagina, she'll love you forever. Is that true?" You can imagine the surprised look on everyone's faces. It was very difficult not to laugh and even my step mom, who tried to answer him honestly had a hard time. Her response was something like  "Well...that's not completely untrue..." and we all finally laughed. I'm sure my step mom talked more in detail to my brother about this in a more private setting but I don't know what she told him. This is one of my favorite stories and I hope my brother doesn't kill me now.

When my sister was about the same age, I was taking care of her while she suffered a cold. I made her chicken soup and tucked into her bed making sure she got lot's of TLC. She was overwhelmed with love and pulled me in close to her face and said "Let's fall in love..." and tried to kiss me passionately. I reacted very calmly and explained that sisters don't fall in love. I didn't want to make her feel like what she had done was wrong and embarrass her. Again, it's a funny visual but it illustrates an important point.

When we are very young, we are aware of sex and love and don't always realize there is a difference between the two. I imagine my sister saw passionate kissing in films and TV and saw the love between my dad and step mom. She was curious and wanted to understand what it meant. My brother heard this rumor from his buddy's older brother, he also had interest and wanted to know if what he heard was true. He was too young to understand that what he said at a family dinner was inappropriate. The fact is, he wasn't being inappropriate. He was young and had questions. Now, I'm not sure what he was planning to do with this information and really don't want to know but he was curious.

I grew up as a teen in the 80's. I remember how it was. By the time I was 14, my BFF had already had sex. I was not ready at that point but I wanted to understand what all the fuss was about. It's all around us and sometimes we hear things that are ridiculous and completely untrue. If we don't have the facts, we might believe some of the rumors and as a result, make the wrong choice or one we wind up regretting. Often times, parents are too embarrassed by the subject and don't talk to their kids about sex at all in the hopes that by ignoring it, it will never be an issue.

Here are some of the responses from the book and the Facebook comments from my post:

"I was told that both of the sexual partners had to have an orgasm at the same time in order to get pregnant. This is obviously not true and could explain why I became a teenage parent." Female

"My friend Frank, however, told me that he saw his parents doing it and I should hug her tight and scream in her ear and she will scream back." Male

"The advice I got from my parents was that if you have sex, you get pregnant. I had only one friend who was not a virgin at the time and made it sound like it was fun and exciting - why wait if you have someone who cares for you and this also will cure the curiousity." Female

"The only rumor I heard was that if you thought you might be pregnant you could shake up a bottle of cola and insert it and that might abort a baby." Female

"Using Norforms before having sex will prevent you from getting pregnant. If that is true, it is only because it will set him on fire and he won't have a chance to get the girl pregnant. ;D" Female
***Norforms are deodorant suppositories.

"My older neighbor told me that if you swallow a watermelon seed it grew into pregnancy...Girl, I didn't eat watermelon for years." Female

"The use of tampons causes virginity loss." Female

"I attended Catholic school for twelve years. That very much shaped my attitude. Sex was for procreation and only procreation. Any type of contraception was sinful and masturbation was sinful as well." Female

"...earwax would make a woman's vagina burn if she had Venereal Disease and that you should always check..." Male

" is for couples who are in love. I believe a lot of teens hear this one and it's the reason for the confusion in that sex IS love." (This is not "wrong" but is a good point).

"...if you have sex on your period, you can't get pregnant." Female and 100% NOT TRUE!!!!!

"... . How about what the Catholic church drilled into my mind about masturbation. If I did it I'd go straight to hell, I'd go blind, and my hands would get deformed. Not to mention, according to their teachings, I was killing babies. Actually scared the hell outta me." Male

"If a boy didn't pee inside of you during sex, you wouldn't get pregnant." Female

"...if you lay down with a boy, you could get pregnant." Female

"All I heard from friends is that once you started, you'd be addicted." Male.

These are some pretty wild statements. I guess if you're a teen reading this you might know these are ridiculous. But again, I share these with you to show that there is a lot of misinformation floating around.
It's always better to be informed.


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