Sunday, February 5, 2012

Jude Henderson on Virginity & Sex For The Wrong Reason

Jude Henderson
18 - College Freshman

Jude Henderson reviewed The Virgin Diaries last year.  Read Review. I asked her if she would like to contribute a post for this new bog and happily she said yes. I let her know the focus was on sex, teens, virgins and I also asked her to mention TVD and how it relates to her situation. Here's what she had to say:

Sex. It is an easy word that can turn out to be really complicated thing. Even though we live in a ‘modern’ world we still see it as a huge taboo, a Big No-No, and yet sex is everywhere. 

I remember a slumber party when I was twelve, all a bunch of girls. We all thought we knew all about sex and someone came up with the idea to watch porn for the first time. We knew nothing. I remember everyone being like “WHAT the HECK is THAT!!!” and then the screaming: “Turn it OFF!!!!!!!” I still laugh hysterically just remembering, I mean, that was SHOCKING! Nobody had ever bothered to actually tell us what sex was and what you did, not even our parents (and I’m thankful for it). I never had one of those really formal sex talks and I am so so thankful!  Many people are like “You gotta be open with your parents” Hell no! No way in Hell! Nu-uh. I mean, yeah, the occasional ‘be safe’ advice is OK, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to really talk with my mother about sex. Ever.

Back to the point. After that we all went back to being kids. Later after a few years, now in high school, everyone started with the "Did you hear that she already did it?” Everyone was talking about who had done it and who hadn’t and we still didn’t fully understand what it was. Then the pressure started and I was a teen with really low self-esteem. I was having random hookups at parties and dressing a certain way, listening to certain music and I basically became a wild child just to fit in with people that weren’t really my friends. Until the day I did it with a drunken guy whose name I don’t remember and I never saw again, at a party. BIG MISTAKE. A week later I had a fight with my friends and I realized what I had done. It was like a huge slap of reality. I had sex with someone just to fit in and sex had no real meaning. I was crushed.

Years passed and I just thought of sex as something stupid and meaningless. I had long ago stopped trying to fit in and being a wild kid. I was the best version of me I could be. That’s when I read The Virgin Diaries. I thought it would be an interesting read, though with no real use for me since I was not a virgin.  I am so thankful for having the opportunity to read it. There were stories in there of people where had been in similar situations like me. They had sex for all the wrong reasons. I was not alone. But most importantly, we all have our doubts, we don’t all come into this world and know all about sex, not everyone has the perfect first time like they do in the movies. We’re all a little bit scared. And there will always be someone that had a worse first time than you.

I made a mistake. But I wasn’t a bad person because of it. I wasn’t doomed. We all hear that we need to save ourselves for marriage, or that sex is bad and never to be spoken of, or that the first time you have sex must always be perfect, that you have to wait, that you have to do it soon, that you have to do it right, etc. I believed all of this. This book was the only thing that actually bothered to tell me what the real deal was, and that my situation, that everyone’s situation is fine.

“It shows that we are all human and therefore all connected.”
~ The Virgin Diaries

There's this song that I love that says: Use your God given tools. Sex Rules. I pity the fools who realize too late. Love, sex and God are great.
~ Sex Rules by Sky Ferreira

I never EVER thought I would be able to see Sex and God in the same sentence. And there they are. My current Anthem.

Sex is a gift. Just use it wisely

If I could go back and give myself some advice? Be Smart. Think. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? If they are the right reasons, go for it. If not, then don't. This goes to everyone. Don't be fools. Be smart.

Virgin or not, I seriously think The Virgin Diaries is a must read and that Sex Rules by Sky Ferreira is a must listen (hehe).

If you want to save yourself for marriage, that's fine. If you want to have sex before marriage, that's fine too.

Having sex won't make you a bad person or a sinner. It also won't make you 'cooler.' But it can make you a fool. Sex can be one of the most beautiful things but it can also hurt you.

If you are interested in contributing to this blog, email Kimberley:


  1. How interesting! I'm in high school, and though I've had yet to have sex this was very insightful! And I agree, I've never had the "sex talk" with my parents before and I never want to. I'll have to check out this book!
    Shae @ Understanding Shae's Story